My day was rudely interrupted by my zompiter blewinh up. The good news is that it is no longer blown up this morning, but data was lost and many things don't work, including internet. My computer called it an hardware failure, so we all know which piece is guilty of the crime *glare at the hard drive*. So, I will try to save some data and look for a better laptop...
And no, I'm not even in the mood for character play. Ciao.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
...
My laptop just blew up.
I am angry.
I want sad.
I want destroy.
Argh.
[End of phone tensmission. CIAO]
I am angry.
I want sad.
I want destroy.
Argh.
[End of phone tensmission. CIAO]
Light
Hello,
I've received a phone call this afternoon. I will meet my psycho-person tomorrow, after work, at 6:30PM. I think it is great that things go so fast, since it means I will start feeling better sooner, which is critical for the success of my internship.
Magic: Yay! Happiness!
Not really, Magic. Just ness, no happy yet. I'm still feeling very down, but I have something to look forward to, at least.
Magic: *looks confused* Yay?
Err, yeah, yay.
Magic: Yay! *climbs onto my head and hug it*
*pet Magic* I hope I can feel happy like you, one day... *look at non-existany reader* Oh, yeah... Ciao.
I've received a phone call this afternoon. I will meet my psycho-person tomorrow, after work, at 6:30PM. I think it is great that things go so fast, since it means I will start feeling better sooner, which is critical for the success of my internship.
Magic: Yay! Happiness!
Not really, Magic. Just ness, no happy yet. I'm still feeling very down, but I have something to look forward to, at least.
Magic: *looks confused* Yay?
Err, yeah, yay.
Magic: Yay! *climbs onto my head and hug it*
*pet Magic* I hope I can feel happy like you, one day... *look at non-existany reader* Oh, yeah... Ciao.
Depressi-O: Update
*sigh* Well, I gathered the courage to talk about my depression to my manager. He referred me to an association how mental problems that my company is subscribed to. After a rather difficult phone call, I've got meeting sessions with a professional psycho person, paid by the company, which should help me over a few meetings and the prescription of the appropriate drugs, to make me less mentally deranged. Let's hope this one is the right one. I would love to be free of the heavy dependance to others to find happiness, which coupled with my personality, makes dangerous in bad times.
Depressi-O
Dear blog and non-existany blog readers,
I think I'm officially depressed. That's the conclusion I came to after another day of trying not to cry all day long for any petty reason and the fact I haven't ate beakfast in 3 days. Why should I force myself to do stuff only because they are needed? It's not like it's going to make me any happier. It's not like it's going to give me anything worthy to live for either. If you hadn't guessed by now, I'm also prey to episodic suicidal thoughts. I should forget and let go, yeah right. It's easy to say when you have something or someone to live for. Try doing the same when you're completely down and have only one thought, that thought being letting go of everything to stop the pain. Oh, it would be so liberating.
But... I don't think I will ever do it. I'm way to weak. To weak to resist my emotions, to weak to impose myself in a group, too weak to think properly. Ironic, that I'm also too weak to free myself of my sorrows. I wish I had someone to talk to. I talked to a few people (Thanks for puttingup with me, guys and gals), but no one can help me. Not that they don't try, but I'm also freaking too weak to listen to them! Did I say that I hate myself?
That's why I'm impatient to back home this weekend. I don't care about that convenience wedding any more than my family does, but I do care about talking to both my grandmother and my mom. Talking about depression is never easy, but if I don't do it, I guess I will sink with the ship. I need help. I really do. Before I can even think about being a more positive person, I need to even have some desire to do anything. For now, asking myself to do is propably like asking someone to move the CN Tower with their bare hands.
Bah, ciao, I guess.
I think I'm officially depressed. That's the conclusion I came to after another day of trying not to cry all day long for any petty reason and the fact I haven't ate beakfast in 3 days. Why should I force myself to do stuff only because they are needed? It's not like it's going to make me any happier. It's not like it's going to give me anything worthy to live for either. If you hadn't guessed by now, I'm also prey to episodic suicidal thoughts. I should forget and let go, yeah right. It's easy to say when you have something or someone to live for. Try doing the same when you're completely down and have only one thought, that thought being letting go of everything to stop the pain. Oh, it would be so liberating.
But... I don't think I will ever do it. I'm way to weak. To weak to resist my emotions, to weak to impose myself in a group, too weak to think properly. Ironic, that I'm also too weak to free myself of my sorrows. I wish I had someone to talk to. I talked to a few people (Thanks for puttingup with me, guys and gals), but no one can help me. Not that they don't try, but I'm also freaking too weak to listen to them! Did I say that I hate myself?
That's why I'm impatient to back home this weekend. I don't care about that convenience wedding any more than my family does, but I do care about talking to both my grandmother and my mom. Talking about depression is never easy, but if I don't do it, I guess I will sink with the ship. I need help. I really do. Before I can even think about being a more positive person, I need to even have some desire to do anything. For now, asking myself to do is propably like asking someone to move the CN Tower with their bare hands.
Bah, ciao, I guess.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Evaluation day + Cold = Boom!
So, today was the day the English version of the school's evalution website came out, so it was the day for my manager and I to go through a painful and ever stressing self-evaluation. Filling my part of it was fun and-
Sparktail: ...and you made yourself like a lazy, depressed, unproductive, undisciplined, stupid, forgetful worker with doubtful ethic and sanity. Way to go.
....I think it's my right to have my own opinion of myself. Anyway, my manager graded me too and have me much higher grades than I did.
Sparktail: He was obviously having pity for you.
...didn't you have a TF gun to find?
Sparktail: Yeah, but one of those nasty giant pachirisu stole it from me. I sent Magic on a negotiation mission. I'm sure that they will understand eachother, between dumb pachi.
*sigh* It's the last time I leave you alone in the nest. Anyway, I'm happy with the words of my manager, so the dreaded evaluationday went well enough. Cake for all! Yay!
Ciao.
-DPL
Sparktail: ...and you made yourself like a lazy, depressed, unproductive, undisciplined, stupid, forgetful worker with doubtful ethic and sanity. Way to go.
....I think it's my right to have my own opinion of myself. Anyway, my manager graded me too and have me much higher grades than I did.
Sparktail: He was obviously having pity for you.
...didn't you have a TF gun to find?
Sparktail: Yeah, but one of those nasty giant pachirisu stole it from me. I sent Magic on a negotiation mission. I'm sure that they will understand eachother, between dumb pachi.
*sigh* It's the last time I leave you alone in the nest. Anyway, I'm happy with the words of my manager, so the dreaded evaluationday went well enough. Cake for all! Yay!
Ciao.
-DPL
Moving in
After many months of being away, I decided to return here. I'm gonna give the link to my blog to a few more people (read new friends) so they can see stuff too.
This said, I don't really have anything to say, since I'm just moving in.
Sparktail: This new home sucks! We had a large sbd pricey manor filled with cool stuff and now all we have is this huge dirt cave. You just out some beds and some furniture in that corner there so it looks livable! It doesn't even have running water! Argh!
Actually, the best is not huge, I just shrunk everything we got since last time went here, including ourselves. Talk about space saving!
Sparktail: ...
Oh, look at the time, I need to go back to work. Ciao!
Sparktail: *cheeks spark angrily* ...I hate him... *looks for the TF gun*
PS: If someone is wondering, I dunno when and if I will go back to my story. Time will tell.
This said, I don't really have anything to say, since I'm just moving in.
Sparktail: This new home sucks! We had a large sbd pricey manor filled with cool stuff and now all we have is this huge dirt cave. You just out some beds and some furniture in that corner there so it looks livable! It doesn't even have running water! Argh!
Actually, the best is not huge, I just shrunk everything we got since last time went here, including ourselves. Talk about space saving!
Sparktail: ...
Oh, look at the time, I need to go back to work. Ciao!
Sparktail: *cheeks spark angrily* ...I hate him... *looks for the TF gun*
PS: If someone is wondering, I dunno when and if I will go back to my story. Time will tell.
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